"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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