i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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