you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
