i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You pole danced in your parka.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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