Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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