He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
