Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
