Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
