yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
