The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
