Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
