operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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