I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
