He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
