My girlfriend figured out who you are.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
