We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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