Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
