I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
