textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
