I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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