just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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