I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
