I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
My vagina is officially offended.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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