No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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