I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
