totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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