Just cropdusted the office
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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