i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
