Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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