nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Randomize
