Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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