Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
