At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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