She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
