The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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