Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
