We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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