I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
