i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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