He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize