..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
