my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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