The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Randomize
