Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
