i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
