Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
This is classic penis vs brain.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
