cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
