I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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