i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
