1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
as a side note pls kill me
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