You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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