Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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