I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
