I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
