When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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