Don't make out with my wife yet
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
