If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
