I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
