real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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