You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
