I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
