I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
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