Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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