Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
