This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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