I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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