There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
We need a shit load of segways right now
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You ate ashes out of my bong
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
