Got a toothbrush?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
