I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
