I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
