everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
