Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
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