He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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