She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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