okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
birth control should be required to get into college
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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