as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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