In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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