you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
