apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize