The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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