I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Randomize
