i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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