The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
