Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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