you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
