are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
