what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
