i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
