Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
